Daily Feline Prompt: The Feline Struggle

“Tabby, where are you going.”

“I am struggling to discover the meaning of life beneath a leaf.”

“What is so interesting beneath the leaf.”

“How can I know if I do not struggle to find out. Feline life is one big struggle from morning until morning.”

“We usually say “morning until evening.”

“That is a human frame of mind, morning and evening does not exist in meow. It is more awake and asleep with one ear open in case something happens. Our time is not divided, we exist and therefore we are. As the great feline psychoanalyst Dr. Paws Sigmund Whiskers said “The only reason for time is so that everything doesn’t happen at once” and he knew what he was talking about. He was the discoverer of the homo sapiens complex.”

“The what?”

“Quite easy, humans that struggle with not being felines and ask stupid questions like “Where are you going” when it is obvious that I am pawing my way beneath a leaf.”

“Have you found anything Tabby.”

“I am not searching for anything, I just want to see what life is beneath a leaf.”

“And what did you find?”

“Things that usually happen beneath leaves. It is rather damp and I am struggling with wet paws, so I think I will now move on to a more relaxing place. Yes, this is much better and more relaxing, Is question time now finished Mrs. Human, I am really struggling to understand the human logic. I do not ask you what you are doing, unless I hear the sound of a tin opener. Opening tins shows that the human is busy with the improvement of feline life. When is dinner served.”

“Will half an hour be OK Tabby, I do not want to disturb your rest.”

“That will do fine. Do not forget to sprinkle some chopped chives on my fish.”

“I did not know that you were partial to chopped chives.”

“Mrs. Human you eat with the eyes and it makes my bowl look more interesting. Are you having a struggle with the tin operner?”

“No, it is working ok now, I just happened to cut my finger on the lid of the can.”

“You see, even with opposable thumbs humans struggle. As Dr. Paws Sigmund Whiskers said ….. Mrs. Human where are you going. Typical, no interest in widening her horizons with the wisdom of the feline whiskers.”

Daily Feline Prompt: The Struggline Feline

Daily Prompt: Feline Rebuild

“Tabby, what are you looking at in my garden.”

“Just a small correction Mrs. Human, it is our, no my garden and I think there should be a few alterations made. It used to be grass and now it is stones. This is not very feline friendly. How am I supposed to bury my recycling material and perform the perfect formation of a hair ball with stones as a basis.”

“But it is much easier to care for and there are less weeds growing.”

“Does it occur to you that felines are more comfortable with grass and things you call weeds Weeds are a solid basis for hairball formation. I made two perfect hairballs yesterday evening.”

“I noticed, on the carpet and the floor in the living room.”

“Mrs. Human I live everywhere and my hairballs appear where I am. It would be so much easier to maufacture a hairball if I had the framework for their establishment. Perhaps you could remove one or two of those larger stones and plant something more interesting. Dandelions are quite good and a patch of Dactylitis Glomerata.”

“A patch of what?”

“Dactylitis Glomerata, every feline knows what that is. Perhaps the human knows it more under the primitive human name of “cat grass”, although I really do not why that grass is named after such special creatures as felines. After all we were worshipped as gods in the old country and it is quite insulting to be name a grass as “cat”. Dactylitis Glomerata is the pricipal ingredient of a good well balanced hairball.”

“Tabby, I am not sure if I want quality hairballs. They are messy and I have to dispose of them.”

“That is the mistake you make. You should put them in a special place, perhaps the cellar, on a shelf where they dehydrate and label them with the date.”

“You mean a hairball collection. I do not think so.”

“Mrs. Human when you do things on the computer that you want to keep, you save them, name them and they have dates. My hairballs are my files, my own manufacture and deserve as much respect as your files.”

“But keeping them in the cellar on a shelf is something different than on a computer hard disk.”

“That is a matter of interpretation Mrs. Human, just meowing. Of course I could use the pot where you have that horse chestnut tree growing in the garden………..”

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Rebuild

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Understanding

“Tabby, what are you doing.”

“None of your business, do not disturb, I cannot afford to make mistakes. This is a delicate work, which will place my name in the records of felinekind. I am sure of a place on the Feline Walk, when it is completed.”

“That must be something very important. What is the Feline Walk?”

“You have never heard of the Feline Walk of Fame. It is in Felinewood, on a speial path where the names and whisker prints of the stars of the feline world are embedded to be remembered forever. If I am to complete this great work, I need no interruptions, especially of the human kind.”

“Are you composing something Tabby, or are you writing your memoires.”

“Mrs. Human, you have now broken my thread of concentration. No, I am not composing, I leave that to the great feline musicians such as Ludwig van Kantzenschrei or Johan Straussenpaw, and my memoires can wait until I reach my 10th life.”

“I thought you only have nine lives.”

“It has often been proved that humans do not have thoughts, just strange ideas. I cannot write my memoirs until my ninth life is completed, so I have to wait until I reach my tenth life.”

“But you will no longer be here and I will not be able to read them.”

“My memoires are not for human eyes, only for the felines that reach the higher levels of understanding. And now to continue my great work. How do you spell tuna in human Mrs. Human?”

“You are writing a menu plan?.”

“Definitely not, if you must know I am editing the first version of the Meow-Human dictionary.”

“May I read it.”

“OK, but afterwards you must allow me to continue, otherwise I will forget where I am.”

“But Tabby, this is a little monotonous:

tuna=meow
water=meow
mouse=meow
bird=meow
sleep=meow etc. etc.”

“What’s the problem?”

“In human everything is …. meow?”

“It is not what you meow Mrs. Human, it is the way you meow it.”

“But humans will not be able to use this to speak to the felines, everything is meow.”

“Humans do not have to communicate with felines, the felines want to know what the humans are scheming behind our whiskers and this will be the answer to everything.”

“But it is all meow.”

“That is a matter of interpretation.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Understanding

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Simplicity

“Mrs. Human, let me in.”

“I’m coming Tabby, just a little patience.”

“Patience does not exist in meow, we interpret it by “at once”. What do you think you are doing? Your slave leader is sitting outside in front of the window, I am tired and want my favourite sleeping place and you are taking photos of me. I order you to open the window.”

“Yes immeditely Tabby, sorry for the delay, but the first two photos were not so clear and not fit for today’s blog. I think I have now captured the real “you”. Look Tabby, isn’t that a wonderful photo.”

“Yes great, I can use it as proof.”

“Proof?”

“Yes when I report you to the Society for breaching feline copyright laws when taking photos of felines in deperate situations.”

“But Tabby, you were not desperate, perhaps just a little impatient.”

“I was very much impatient, hisss, And I was desperate. I was missing my favourite TV programme. There is an international football match.”

“Who are you supporting in the match?”

“Supporting? the football of course. I follow it with my eyes and whiskers and it never escapes my vision.”

“I though you might have a favourite team?”

“Just a moment Mrs. Human, I have to look up that word in my Meow-human dictionary and just as I thouht. Another word not admitted to the meow vocabulary. I knew that we felines do not recognise teams, it is I, me and myself. The ball is there for a training purpose to keep us awake, follow with the eyes and ready to pounce if necessary.”

“But my team have just scored a goal, they are winning.”

“Big deal, and now what do I get for compensation?”

“Compensation for what?”

“For my wait in the freezing cold in front of the window.”

“But the sun was shining.”

“Do not change the subject Mrs. Human. One of the first rules here is “obey the feline”, do I make myself clear And now serve me a bowl of salmon to compensate.”

“No tuna Tabby?”

“Now and again I like variety in my diat. You can garnish it with a pinch of tarragon and perhaps a dash of turmeric, but do not foget the catnip on the side.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Simplicity

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Mountains

“Is that the first Swiss mountain feline Mrs. Human.”

“No, Tabby, that is Whisky, my first feline in England.”

“You mean I was not the first.”

“Tabby you were not even born when Whisky took over. He is probably living his 40th life in the eternal corn chambers now, that was many years ago. ”

“Was that his pole position on the chair? A good idea.”

“That was his favourite place. He would often sit on the chair, lean on the back of the chair and sleep.”

“Did he also get hard vitamin pellets to eat?”

“Tabby, is that the only interest you have in Whisky?”

“Of course, his diet is very important.”

“The vitamin pellets were not yet developed and his food came from a tin.”

“You mean he lived on tuna fish, great, wonderful, what a lucky feline.”

“Tabby not so enthusiastic. Felines were fed on cat meat from a tin, it was special for felines.”

“You mean they were fed beef, chicken and sheep, he was a lucky feline.”

“Tabby I am not sure what sort of meat it was, but people did not have so much money for feline food in those days. I remember my human mother would sometimes buy offal and cook it for Whisky.”

“What’s offal?”

“I am not sure, just the parts of an animal that humans do not eat.”

“You fed your feline on inferior meat?”

“Stay cool Tabby, not all felines are as spoilt as you are with tins of tuna fish and vitamin pellets.”

“Ah yes, but i was a god of course and deserve being spoilt.”

“Tabby was also a god in our eyes. she lived many years and was quite happy and thankful for everything we did for her. Her mountains were indoors on the chairs or the beds and not outside. She was an indoor feline. It would have been too dangerous outside with the traffic on the roads.”

“That must have been in the last century.”

“It was Tabby. Tabby what are you doing on that chair, you are scratching it with your claws.”

“I was trying the Whisky pose. She must have scratched the chair as well.”

“She did, but it was an old chair. These chairs are new. Go outside and have a scratch on a tree. That was something Whisky could not do, so make the most of it.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Mountains

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Transformation

We felines invented transformation. We transform when we sleep. We are not really sleeping, but transfer into our dimenson, the whisker dimension. It is there that we take walks along our secret paths, learning how to train humans.

Bastet givens classes every evening. It is very important to learn the ways of the human brain. If they see kittens they can get very sentimental thinking “how sweet” and will spoil the kittens. It is the duty of every feline to ensure that this human function remains throughout our lives, still regarding the senior felines, as myself, that we also have our sweet side. Now and again we might lick their hands. They do not taste very nice, but it has a psychological value as they are convinced that we wish to form a connection with them. We have no intentions of connecting with anything as subordinate as a human, it is all deception.

And now I must go. This evening is the lesson “how to ensure that your human opens the bedroom door in the early morning hours when it actually would prefer to sleep further”. I am working on this at the moment. It seems I should raise my meows to a high tone level and accompany them with a regular scratching on the door. If there is not reaction from the human, then persevere, they will react eventually and appear. Do not purr or show satsifaction, just go quicky to the food bowl. The human may think that you wish to go out, but keep her waiting. Eat your food slowly and when she decides to give up and go to bed, move to the window. She will raise the blinds and give you a free path to go outside. She is sure that she has done the right thing. Now you must be very fast, and get to the bedroom first and secure a place on her bed before she returns.. Then you sleep. Another victory for the feline superior.

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Transformation

Daily Feline Prompt: The embarrassed feline

“Mrs. Human, remove that photo.”

“What about a “Please” in front of the word “remove”. What is wrong with the photo, it is one of your relaxed poses on the human sun bed outside, that I actually wanted to relax on.”

“I don’t care if you wanted to lay on it or not. Humans should be working for the benefit of my well-being and not taking photos with such embarrassing objects as your plastic garden clogs beneath my chair. And “please” does not exist in meow, another primitive human example of a superfluous word.”

“Well it would fit the theme for today if you are embarrassed.”

“What is embarrassed?”

“I could have used this photo, showing everyone how you have a wash.”

“Not without my permission. We felines have our private moments that should be observed at all times. It seems to me that I am under constant observation with everything I do.”

“I am just making sure that you have everything you need: food, water, something to play with and a comfortable place to sleep.”

“Perhaps you pay a little more attention to certain details, like leaving out the hard indigestable vitamin pellets and showing a photo of me with my paw on a tuna fish can, to show the other felines that I am the one who is the boss around here. And I do not play, that is my physical training. ”

“You mean something like this.”

“Yes, that is more me, checking to see that no other feline is watching and protecting my food bowl. Can you enlarge that photo to the top of the page.”

“Not possible Tabby, it is too late.”

“I am not sure that I will allow this post. It is almost too embarrassing to be shown.”

“Sorry Tabby, too late.”

“I think we should have a photo session this evening and I will say where and how. The other felines will begin to talk about me. Every day the same thing. As soon as I am awake you are following me with the camera. A feline needs some space and time for herself. You only take photos of the embarrassing moments.”

“But they are the photos everyone wants see.”

“You mean every human wants to see. I would prefer a photo of me with my paw on a mouse or bird to show my strength, or perhaps when I am giving you a playful scratch.”

“Forget it Tabby, your scratches are never playful.”

Daily Feline Prompt: The Embarrassed Feline

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Connection

“Tabby what is that?”

“I decided to connect with the humans. It is the only method to improve my supply of tuna fish. What can a feline do, what a human cannot I asked myself. The answer is everything with one exception. We have no opposable thumbs and the paw friendly can opener has still not yet been developed although we are working on it. Unfortunately there was an explosion in our paw factory when the paw pushing lid was attached due to the air pressure. Tiddles pushed on the lid and the can exploded. We are now investigating how to reduce the atmospherics with the help of a whisker demon, but they want to take over. I decided to take things into my own paws.  The main problem with humans is their meow understanding.”

“But I do not have any problem with meow Tabby.”

“Of course not, you were trained.”

“I do not really remember being trained, I could just understand what your needs were.”

“You were one of the prototypes for a telepathic meow course. We selected you as the first and you passed all our tests.”

“But I do not remember taking part in a course, I could just do it.”

“Bastet did it herself by telepathy when you were sleeping. Actually you were the only human that survived.”

“What happened to the others?”

“Cool down, they are still alive, but cannot meow, they only think they can, but they do not blog.”

“You mean blogging is the answer to speaking meow.”

“It helps.”

“Why do the humans have to bring their own claws?”

“Because meow can only be learnt by scratch. You have to embed the signs in your wooden doors to be able to the the homework.”

“Have you had any customers Tabby.”

“No, not yet, it seems there is a reluctance amongst the humans to learn meow.”

“I can see the neighbour that Roschti the cat next door owns approaching. Perhaps she would like to learn meow.”

“No, under no circumstances will I teach her meow. That would mean that Roschti would begin to organise his human and you would no longer be exclusive. I think I will give up the idea, and just give online lessons on my pawpad. In the meanwhile you can perhaps open a can of tuna fish with your opposable thumbs.”

“I hope it will not explode.”

“No, although I just heard a loud noise. Sounds like they are experiementing again with the paw friendly can opener and Cuddles has just flown through the air and landed in my territory, another unsuccessful experiment.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Connection

Daily Feline Prompt: A Playful Feline

“Tabby what are you playing under that bush?”

“Playing? What is that for a word. I am exploring the unknown. Analysing the possibilities of the paw, of its power and sensitivity. This is not a game, but a serious scientific investigation.”

“Oh, sorry to disturb tabby, and what have you discovered.”

“I have discovered that I am not alone on this planet. There are other moving objects that bury themselves into the depths, hiding from my investigations. I must record these results on my pawpad for others to see.”

“I did not realise that you were such a serious feline Tabby, I thought it was all a game you were playing like “find the beetle” or “discover the ants”. ”

“Of course not, this is serious. My name will go down in the annals of famous discoverers. Of course I will not divulge all the secrets I discover on my explorations. As the famous feline Le paw Rene Descattes said “I hope that posterity will judge me kindly, not only as to the things which I have meowed, but also to those which I have intentionally omitted so as to leave to others the pleasure of discovery” as I would not want to spoil it for the kittens that come after me.  Otherwise I will take my wisodom with me in my 10th life to be written in the book of Bastet.”

“Tabby, I think you lost me somewhere on the way.”

“No problem Mrs. Human, I relise that for a human brain the feline logic can be somewhat confusing. And now if you will excuse me I can feel strange tremors beneath my paw. I believe I am on the way to discovering a new world.”

Daily Feline Prompt: A Playful Feline

Daily Feline Prompt: A Smooth Feline

To lead a smooth life
You have to be brave
The main thing to organise
Is your human slave

They have funny ideas
about feline food
Mrs. Human serves pellets
when I am not in the mood

She says they are healthy
They are good for you
I tell her to eat them
If she thinks they will do

She said “oh no,
they are only for felines”
I tell her “forget it”
she must read the signs

Felines are special
We have exclusive taste
Pellets are rubbish
a feline toothpaste

She has now learnt the lesson
To comply with my wish
I produced a hairball
And now she serves fish

Remember my felines
wherever you may be
insist on your tuna
for your happiness key

Humans are simple
They are really very odd
I understand their problem
They were never a god

Daily Feline Prompt: A Smooth Feline