Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Narcissism

Tabby

“How do I look Mrs. Human?”

“The same as always Tabby.”

“What is that for and answer? The same as always. I find my whiskers are especially perfect today, symmetric and well arranged. Although perhaps the third whisker on the left is a little shorter than the others.”

“There is nothing you can do about that Tabby, that is the way they grow.”

“Of course there is something, perhaps trim the others to the same length.”

“No Tabby, I am not going to touch your whiskers. They look OK to me.”

“Of course they look OK to you, you are human and humans have no idea of the perfection of the felines. Perhaps you could brush the fur around my neck Mrs. Human. They are places I cannot reach and arrange the fur around my collar.”

“But Tabby the collar is hidden by the fur and no-one notices that it should be arranged.”

“I notice it, and that is important. Human opnions do not interest me. And why do I have this collar around my neck. It is a symbol of slavery and you are the slave here not me.”

“The collar has an attachment with your name and address in case you would get lost. There is also the magnet that causes your cat flap to open.”

“I am labelled with my name and address! How insulting, and we felines never get lost. We always find our way home. I really do not need a magnet for my cat flap, I have you to open it when I am ready to enter.”

“And when you arrive in the middle of the night?”

“Exactly Mrs. Human. Human slaves should always be prepared. You carry a great responsibility in caring for me. Do not forget, I was once a god worshipped by all.”

“Was, Tabby, past tense”.

“Another human mistake. We do not have past or future tenses in meow, and only three pronouns which you should make a note of: I, me and myself.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Narcissism

Daily Feline Prompt: Complicated Feline

Tabby

Me, complicated? Never, although it depends on the comparisons. Compared to a human I am very logical. Humans do not understand our high level of intelligence. I wait at an open window, Mrs. Human tells me to go if I want to go. How can I go when I am still thinking about it. Humans live in one stress, they have no time to spare, and so we felines must make the decisions for them. We like to take it easy and think about it. If the window is open it might be an invitation to danger. How do I know what is waiting for me around the next tree. The human says she is cold, it is perhaps snowing or raining. Mrs. Human might also complain that there is a wind blowing, and even if the sun is shining it is too hot to stand in front of an open window.

Humans are never satisfied. As I said they live in stress situations constantly. We felines wait, sit and think and might even have a scratch before we decide. We take it easy,  one paw out of the window and Mrs. Human is already beginning to approach the window to close it. It is then that I rethink the situation, but my paw stays where it is. Humans tend to get nervous , it is a study of human reactions. They get impatient and begin to talk in loud voices. This is when I try to help and relax with my body half out of the open window and half inside. Even this does not sooth the human. It seems we felines can do nothing right and they tell us we are complicated. The word “complicated” does not even exist in meow, but how can you explain that to a subordinate creature.

Daily Feline Prompt: Complicated Feline

Daily Feline Prompt: Premature Feline

Tabby

How do I know if I was premature or not. There were four of us all lined up at the exit and one after the other we sort of popped out. I was planning on being the first, I was ready, paws moving and pushing and my big fat long haired sister Nera forced her way to the front. “It’s my turn now” she meowed and out she was, but not before she gave us all a strong push to make she she was first.

She was always the boss, and as long as she was here, she told me what to do. One day she moved onto her 10th life and there I was, all on my own. I had to make all the big decisions myself, and that was not easy. Deciding when to eat and when to sleep was new to me, Nera always decided. She even made the decisions for Mrs. Human. I soon had things in paw grip again, as Nera would now and again pass a message on from the eternal corn chambers where she spent her 10th life catching mice. Yes, she was the first but she had it all under control.

Nera on top of the wardrobe

Daily Feline Prompt: Premature Feline

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline infected

Tabby

“Tabby what are you doing?”

“Quenching my thirst of course.”

“But not on that stone, that is not so clean and you could catch all sorts of germs and infections.”

“But this is fresh water. It only just arrived from the sky, and is the best you can drink. It has had no time to get infected with anything, which is not the same I could say for that strange mixture you drink from your tap.”

“But Tabby, we only have fresh water, especially treated that it is clean and has no impurities.”

“Again the human logic is not logical. If water has no impurities, it is not water, but an artificial liquid with no taste and no life.”

“Thanks Tabby, but I prefer my water with no life.”

“Typical, dead water has no taste, no movement, and no excitement. It is boring from the first lick to the last, or swallow as humans prefer. My water lives, it excites, it tantalises. There is movement in every lick, in every drop. Imagine when it falls from above the flavours it collects on the way down.”

“That is just plain unhygenic Tabby.”

“Unhygenic is the best flavour that you can have. It is never boring, but exciting. And now for some more, before it disappears. It is not every day that I have such appetising water.”

“But Tabby you have a bowl of wonderful clean water next to your food bowl.”

“But it is not the same Mrs. Human, it has to have a savoir vivre, goût particulière, le grand miou.”

“I didn’t know you could meow in French Tabby.”

“Of course I can, I am multilingual in all types of meow. Water must be absorbed. I swirl it around in my mouth at least a minute before swallowing. That is the only way to savor the taste.”

“Oh, I see, I must be doing something wrong.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Infected

Daily Feline Prompt: Thin Feline

Tabby

I have never been thin, I have never been fat
I am a the perfect well balanced cat
The secret to it all is eat through and through
and ignore the human saying it is good for you
With vitamin pellets you will stay very thin
Your tail will get smaller, and resemble a pin
There is only one solution, a feline’s greatest wish
Your bowl constantly filled with the nutritious tuna fish
It is full of vitamins and keeps you in good form
It makes you feel good, and keeps your whiskers warm
A side dish of catmint will also keep you high
You can climb every tree and even reach the sky
Ignore any advice that might come from a vet
You are I, me and myself, and definitely not a pet
Do not listen to those that might say you are odd
Remember back to the day when you were worshipped as a god

Daily Feline Prompt: Thin Feline

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Pedigree

Tabby

See the “M” on my forehead. That shows how exclusive I am. Of course I can trace my family to the days when our teeth were the most important part. We were the sabre toothed felines of the olden days. We roamed the mountains and all were at our mercy. We kept the dogs as pets and fed them on the scraps we had left after eating  the mammoths and wolves.

As time progressed the humans descended from the trees and they began to hunt which was  quite useful as we decided to let them get on with it. Why work for your food when the humans do it for you. It was when Bastet arrived on the scene that things got organised. My mum said she was my ancestor, but I discovered that all feline mums tell the same story. We always had a weakness for mouse meat, and what could be better than organise the felines to rid the corn chambers in the old country of the mice. The humans were happy and so were we. Unfortunately the humans got the wrong end of the idea, and decided we felines were their servants. Actually it was the other way around and so we are still fighting for our rightful place in society.

In the meanwhile there were a few felines in my family line that we do not talk about: they dealt in the mystic arts and they went through fire and flames before departing. A branch of our family were also slightly strange. They lived in a place called Transyvannia. We don’t have any family photos, but somehow it was not possible, they didn’t even have reflections in mirrors.

My family was a little mysterious I suppose, but we all have the “M”, and that is important. It means magnificent, mighty, marvellous and  miraculous.

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Pedigree

Daily Feline Prompt: Slightly Feline

Tabby

Today I am only slightly here. I have some sleep to do, It was a difficult night as I could not decide where to sleep. The humans restrict my movements at night because they also sleep. If humans sleep it means they shut the doors to their sleeping places and this restricts my choice of where to sleep. They completely block any chance of a comfortable place on a duvet or cushion. they ignore me, shut me out from their existence. They can be so selfish.

I have no other choice but to search for somewhere to spend the night. Of course they decide to hold their sleeping sessions when I am usually outside. Nights are the best times for hunting and sniffing and discovering life in its natural state. Exhausted from my explorations of the outside world, I stumble through my cat flap and make my way to a human bed. This is when the sordid truth hits, my humans no longer want me. I have tried meowing and scratching at their closed doors, but to no avail. Night is not a good time if you own humans. They lose their respect for you and do their own thing. I am condemned to find somewhere to sleep on my own.

When dawn breaks I realise that I am laying on a chair. I hear the sound of a bedroom door opening. I jump onto the still warm bed and am promptly told to leave, as this bed made be made. Luckily every human as its own sleeping cushion and the overgrown kitten that still lives with my human has left. His bed is made and I decide this is the place for the next 5-6 hours. The problems we felines have to solve during our day, no respect or consideration from a human. You would think that their homes were their own private possession.

Daily Prompt: Slightly Feine

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Core

Tabby

Today is apparently mother’s day. My mum had a big problem with that day. She was mother to so many, that she lost count. I suppose that was why we never really celebrated. Mum said not to bother, being a mother was routine. We were all shapes and sizes according to who our dads were, and she even forgot our dads. I think they were all blind dates.

When I arrived there were four of us. I was the only Tabby. My litter sister Nera moved on with me but she was bigger than I am and  had long black fur. That is why we say litter sister, because being quite frank about it, I am not sure that her dad was my dad. There were another two in the litter but I cannot remember what they looked like. It is not so important.

Apparently mum had a few more kittens after us and we heard that she had a big grey kitten that was bigger than mum. Yes mum loved variety in her life. I think I am lucky not have any screaming kittens. there are more important things in a feline life, such as I, me and myself and a bowl of tuna fish.

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Core

Daily Feline Prompt: Skewed Feline

Tabby

Do not be rude, I am not skewed
I am washing my wonderful body
I am so perfect, everything in its place,
so clean and neat, never shoddy
They call me the sexiest cat in this town
You should see me sway when I walk
My fur is so fine with its perfect pattern
the other cats want to squawk
They are so jealous, I am the best
they pretend I am not there
but I hear them hissing behind my back
And I really do not care
I have nothing to prove, they have no charm
no manners, yes they are the worst
I am so perfect, my claws are so fine
In paw swiping am always the first.

Daily Feline Prompt: Skewed Feline

Daily Feline Prompt: Forest Feline

Tabby

Here I am saying goodbye to my world, my wall, my food bowls and my various sleeping places. To Mrs. Human – no it is not necessary, she is programmed to search for me if I do not return.

I love forests, I can really forget myself in a forest. On one special day I decided to follow the path to uncharted places. I tuned in my whiskers which are a built in compass, to make sure I would not lose my way and then carefully placed one paw in front of the other, feeling the vibrations of the earth sending me messages of moving things beneath the surface. Suddenly I saw it, a hole in the ground and I could hear sounds. I had discovered a mouse hole. I decided it was time for action and placed my paw at the entrance to patiently wait.

How the time flies when you are having fun. It was then that I heard the sound of human footsteps approaching, the ground was shaking with their impact. If I had not been concentrating so much on the entrance to the mouse-hole, I would have perhaps noticed that the mouse had been concentrating on me sitting behind a stone that was marking the exit mouse-hole. Not only did I now have the stress of mouse watching, but human watching was occurring. I had a choice, shall I wait patiently for the mouse, which was actually watching me, or do I report to my human to soothe her nerves.

The human was now standing before me and I saw the tail of a mouse disappearing into the horizon. Of course the mouse has priority but unfortunately it disappeared into the forest before I had a chance to catch it. The result was my human who was now relieved that she found me: was it really four hours that she last saw me. She was so glad, how could I disappoint her and I knew that compensation would be in the shape of an appetising bowl of tuna fish. A fresh mouse would also be acceptable – remind me to show Mrs. Human how to catch a mouse  and prepare souris a vin which is my favourite.

Daily Feline Prompt: Forest Feline