Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Narcissism


“How do I look Mrs. Human?”

“The same as always Tabby.”

“What is that for and answer? The same as always. I find my whiskers are especially perfect today, symmetric and well arranged. Although perhaps the third whisker on the left is a little shorter than the others.”

“There is nothing you can do about that Tabby, that is the way they grow.”

“Of course there is something, perhaps trim the others to the same length.”

“No Tabby, I am not going to touch your whiskers. They look OK to me.”

“Of course they look OK to you, you are human and humans have no idea of the perfection of the felines. Perhaps you could brush the fur around my neck Mrs. Human. They are places I cannot reach and arrange the fur around my collar.”

“But Tabby the collar is hidden by the fur and no-one notices that it should be arranged.”

“I notice it, and that is important. Human opnions do not interest me. And why do I have this collar around my neck. It is a symbol of slavery and you are the slave here not me.”

“The collar has an attachment with your name and address in case you would get lost. There is also the magnet that causes your cat flap to open.”

“I am labelled with my name and address! How insulting, and we felines never get lost. We always find our way home. I really do not need a magnet for my cat flap, I have you to open it when I am ready to enter.”

“And when you arrive in the middle of the night?”

“Exactly Mrs. Human. Human slaves should always be prepared. You carry a great responsibility in caring for me. Do not forget, I was once a god worshipped by all.”

“Was, Tabby, past tense”.

“Another human mistake. We do not have past or future tenses in meow, and only three pronouns which you should make a note of: I, me and myself.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Narcissism