Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Me Time

What’s your ideal Saturday morning? Are you doing those things this morning? Why not?

“Shhh Mrs. Human, Fluffy is having “me time”.”

“It seems to me he is in permanent “me time”.”

“Bastet said that every feline being is entitled to 90% me time daily.”

“And the other 10%?”

“Obvious Mrs. Human. We prepare ourselves for “me time”.”

“Oh, I see.”

“Now that was a wonderful “me time”, I am now awake and ready to go.”

“Go where Fluffy?”.

“To search a nice comfortable place for my next “me time” of course.”

“You see Mrs. Human, we follow the words of Bastet to the end. Baste tells us “me time” and we do “me time”.

“I see Tabby, but where does the washing time and the eating time fit in?”

“That is the preparation time for the “me time”. No self respecting feline enters its “me time” phase without being clean for it, or with hunger, book of Bastet chapter 653 verse 99.”

“Tabby how that must be a big book that Bastet wrote.”

“Oh yes, she brings something new every day.”

“How does she decide what to write.”

“That’s easy. She watches the humans and when they decide something anti feline, she writes a new chapter with some new verses to solve the problem.”

“In other words, she makes it up on the way.”

“Well, I wouldn’t say it like that. She applies instinct.”

“Which is?”

“That’s that thing that humans have never been able to explain, but don’t worry Mrs. Human, we will let you know if you do something wrong.”

“I am sure you will Tabby.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Me Time

Daily Feline Prompt: Last Feline Words

You have the chance to write one last post on your feline blog before you stop blogging forever.

“But we only just started to blog regularly Mrs. Human.”

“Tabby it is only figuratively speaking, just as if.”

“Aha, figuratively does not exist in meow, but we will continue, won’t we Fluffy?”

“Of course Tabby, no problem. Shame that Nera is no longer here to blog with us.”

“Who said I am not here?”

“Nera, you are paying us a visit, how nice, but don’t do it so dramatically. Mrs. Human doesn’t believe in Bastet and she has now fainted.”

“That is not my problem. Now and again I like to make an excursion to see how things are going. What’s this about “stop blogging forever”?. Tabby write today’s blog “A voice from the grave” no, perhaps strike “grave” and write the Kingdom of Bastet.”

“Ok, Nera, do you want to paw it on the pad or shall I?”

“I will dictate and you will paw, My paws are not so good at this earthly stuff.”

“So write, In the words of Nera, the chief feline I will always be with you.”

“Is that all?”

“It’s enough.”

“Aha, Nera where are you going. You are fading again.”

“I am supernatural, and Mrs. Human is waking up. We don’t want to make her faint again when she sees me. Besides, I have a job to do for Bastet. We got a new shipment of mice today, and I have to sort them out in sizes and colours. Bye everyone and don’t forget, continue the good work and blog.”

“Tabby, Fluffy, did I see Nera? No, it couldn’t be, she has left us for a better place.”

“Is that figuratively speaking Mrs. Human?”

“Sort of Fluffy. But I am sure I saw her.”

“Forget it Mrs. Human, just a figment of your imagination.”

“But there is a small ball of black fur on the carpet, and neither you or Fluffy have black fur.”

“Mrs. Human, Mrs. Human…..”

“Forget it Fluffy, she has fainted again. Paw that black fur under the carpet. It is getting near tuna time and we don’t want her to faint again otherwise there will be no tuna.”

“Will do Tabby, no problem. Those humans have no understanding for the feline world.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Last Feline Words

Daily Feline Prompt: Fight or Flight – a feline conversation

Write about your strongest memory of heart-pounding, belly-twisting nervousness: what caused the adrenaline? Was it justified? How did you respond?

“That is a dog Fluffy.”

“I cannot see the dog on the photo because I am blind, whatever that is, but I know what a dog is Tabby. They have a sort of, well, doggy smell, not as sweet flavoured as us felines and they bark.”

“So what do you do when you know there is a dog near.”

“I run Tabby as fast as my four paws will carry me.”

“That is because you are a beginner Fluffy. We are felines and we do not succumb to nervousness when there is a dog nearby.”

“So what do we do Tabby.”

“We look it in the eyes with an intense “I could kill you” look.”

“Does that work Tabby, does it go away?”

“If the dog is smaller than you are it might yap a bit and go, if it is a specimen like in the photo, an Alsatian, it will stay and return your stare.”

“So what do we do then.”

“We remain where we are of course and try it with a hiss.”

“And that will frighten the dog.”

“It could be that the dog barks.”

“Oh yes, they can be very loud. But then they go.”

“Errr, they should Fluffy, but there are canines that have no respect for us felines that were worshipped as gods in the old country.”

“And then”

“Yes Fluffy, it is then we apply the laws of Bastet, chapter 2, verse 3.”

“Which says?”

“Run for your life and dive in the next cat flap or up a tree. I would add that trees are only used if you know you can descend after the canine has gone.”

“What if the canine doesn’t go?”

“Fluffy, don’t ask silly questions.”

Daily Feline Post: Fight or Flight – a feline conversation

Daily Feline Prompt: Three Perfect Feline Shots

Take a subject you’re familiar with and imagine it as three photos in a sequence. Tackle the subject by describing those three shots.

“Is that your shot Tabby?”

“What’s wrong with it Fluffy?”

“Well it’s OK, so what about the other two.”

“Mrs. Human said three shots would be too much, She doesn’t have the time to sort it on my paw pad, she has enough problems with her own three shots.”

“Yes, but munching away at vitamin filled pellet food is not particularly interesting.”

“Of course it is Fluffy. Other blogging felines can see how deprived we are with our food. Just a bowl of dry pellets, when we should be eating tuna, caviar, salmon. They will complain and Mrs. Human will have to rethink her diet plans for us.”

“I don’t think so Tabby. Humans have the idea that we eat healthy food and that fresh fish and meat is not so good.”

“Tell that to the lions, or even Bastet. It says in the book of Bastet, chapter 333, verse 20 that felines should be fed with fresh meat at all times and dead mice should not be dead longer than five minutes and we get dead pellets which probably never lived.”

“But on the 10 kilo packet it says made with chicken.”

“Fluffy, chickens have legs and walk. They are not dried pieces of chemically flavoured brown material.”

“Oh, well I quite like the pellets now and again. Washed down with a dish of fresh water they are ok. Mrs. Human said I look very healthy at the moment and am putting on weight.”

“Good for you Fluffy, but you would look more heathy and put on more weight if you were fed with fresh meat.”

“Where are you going Tabby?”

“Picture 2 and 3. Picture 2 is me with a dead mouse and picture 3 is me eating the mouse. I just have to catch it first of all.”

“Oh, in the meanwhile you can see picture 2 of me having a wash and picture 3 sleeping after my meal of chicken vitamin pellets.”

“OK Fluffy, what’s all this rubbish with the pictures. I will leave out my picture 2 and 3 and join you with the wash and sleep after the delicious dry boring vitamin pellets.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Three Pefect Feline Shots

Daily Feline Prompt: The Loneliness of the long distance Feline sleeper

When was the last time you felt really, truly lonely?

“What would you say Fluffy, Fluffy, Fluffy”

“I am sleeping Tabby, in a world of my own, I was just having a conversation with Nera in the eternal corn chambers.”

“Fluffy, since when do we felines sleep? We might not be where we should be, but at least one ear is awake.”

“I know, but that does not mean I have to jump to attention on all four paws when you meow so loud. What’s the question? When I felt really truly lonely? Does “lonely” exist in meow?”

“Of course not Fluffy, because that is our normal state of mind. Who wants to be surrounded by other felines. It complicates life as we know it. We do our own thing and definitely not paw in paw.”

“Yes, Tabby. So now let me sleep all on my own.”

“Fluffy I have to get this prompt pawed off on my pawpad so at least you can give me a few meows to help on the way.”

“Just tell them we don’t want to know, we do not need others prying into our feline world. We should be left in peace to spray where we want to. Just I, me and myself.”

“Ok Fluffy, that will do?”

“And now you will leave me alone, no more stupid questions?”

“No Fluffy, you can continue your sleep prices. Ah, just one question.?

“What?”

“Ok, not need to raise your meow. Just wanted to know if you will be awake for this evenings food. I believe it will be tuna fish with a pinch of tarragon to spice it up.”

“Oh, I love tuna with tarragon, why didn’t you tell me before. I might have slept through it.”

“You said you were asleep and did not want be disturbed.”

“Tabby, for tuna I am always awake. Just set the alarm on our pawphone will you, to make sure I do not miss the tuna.”

“Will do Fluffy, Fluffy, Fluffy. I give up, he is sleeping again. Think I will join him.”

Daily Feline Prompt: The Loneliness of the long distance feline sleeper

Daily Feline Prompt: The Cat Park

Write a piece about a typically “local” experience from where you come from as though it’s an entry in a travel guide.

“Tabby, what is going on in my garden?”

“We are felines, so everything you see here is ours. You are allowed to live here Mrs. Human. We need someone to operate the tin opener, keep our cat tray clean and generally make sure that we felines lack for nothing.”

“Tabby, you are avoiding the question. What is that sign outside?”

“We wrote it in human Mrs. Human, so it should be quite clear. Why should the subordinate dog species have dog parks. Fluffy and I decided that we would organise the first feline park.”

“You mean I will have all sorts of strange felines in my garden.”

“Mrs. Human it is a question of organisation. We have marked the area to be used. On the left the felines will form a queue awaiting entrance. Fluffy will take the entrance fee. On the right we will leave the lawn as it is for a comfortable resting place. We felines need a certain time for recovery after the exercises in the feline park. Over there, between the bushes we have decided that will be our sparring ring.”

“Wait, stop, just a minute. A sparring ring?”

“Come on Mrs. Angloswiss, we felines do not go for walks together paw in paw, or play games. We are action, we do things. Dogs take orders and obey and love it. We felines hate it, it is not in our nature to be sociable, so we need somewhere to practice. As you can see at the entrance to the sparring ring there is a wooden pole, especially for the sharpening of claws. Before entering the felines must show their paws and they will be inspected to see if they are sharp enough. Afterwards Fluffy will give a loud meow and then the fight will begin. Further to the right we have an area for recovery, a place for the felines to lick their wounds.”

“Well, you certainly seem to have thought of everything Tabby. What is that over there, where the curtain is?”

“Mrs. Human we felines need to have our privacy respected. There we have our XXL sized feline trays. There are two, one for females and one for males. As you know each gender of the feline race has its own method. Some spray and some squat and ……”

“Tabby spare me the details. I am really not sure that I want a cat park in my garden.”

“Mrs. Human it is not what you want. Fluffy and I made a survey and discovered that nowhere in the whole world there is a place where we felines can be amongst ourselves and have fun. There are canine parks in every town in America and even in Europe. All we felines have are a few restaurants where we can look good for the customers. This is a unique place for felines. No canines allowed and above all no humans. Understood? Now go and prepare the tin openers for the entrance fee. I can see our first customers already.

Hello Roschti, Bubu, Butch, Bobinette, lovely to see you. Please deposit the entrance fee on the table. Oh, that is very original Bobinette, a branch of catnip.”

“I thought we felines could partake in the catnip to relax after our exercises.”

“What a lovely idea Bobinette, of course. Thank you so much.

Mrs. Human why are you still standing around. Go and do something useful, we felines can manage quite well on our own.”

Daily Feline Prompt: The Cat Park

Daily Feline Post: A Plot of feline earth

You’re given a plot of land and have the financial resources to do what you please. What’s the plan?

“Fluffy, I don’t have to be given a plot of land, it’s all mine here.”

“Yes Tabby, we own it all, just a quick spray and it’s all marked up. Of course humans do it more complicated, at least I have never seen Mr. or Mrs. Human spraying anywhere.”

“No, humans don’t do that outside, They have those rooms called toilets, where the best supply of fresh water exists. They do tend to get fussy about it when we drink a sample.”

“No feline understanding. Fluffy I wouldn’t do any marking on the other side of the hedge, Bastet Chapter 45, verse 72 “mark only where it serves the purpose, there might be a bigger feline watching you”. I think Bubu marked it yesterday, so we don’t want territorial problems.”

“You mean that big short furred monster feline from over the road? He tried to mark some earth in our place, but I got there first. I am the record sprayer and now he knows it. I can spray the longest distance here.”

“OK Fluffy, we all know that. One of the reasons Mrs. Human got rid of the pampas grass, she found it was getting rather smelly, especially when it rained.”

“Smelly! That was my individual scent.”

“I know Fluffy, but try telling Mrs. Human it is the Chanel No. 5 of the feline world of scents, they don’t get it.”

“We had to get used to human smell, there are so many of them trampling around with their two legs, so they should accept the sweet smell of feline.”

“It doesn’t work that way Fluffy. Everything that isn’t human smells it seems.”

“By the way did you see Tabby, Mrs. Human is preparing the garden for the year and mixed some new earth into the old earth.”

“Are you thinking what I am thinking Fluffy`”

“Of course, beat you to it. First one that sprays owns that bit of the territory.”

“But leave some for me Fluffy. You tend to overdo it sometimes.”

Daily Feline Post: A Plot of feline earth

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Tourists

What’s your dream tourist destination — either a place you’ve been and loved, or a place you’d love to visit? What about it speaks to you?

“Roschti, what are you doing on our cat gymnastic centre?”

“Hi Tabby, I am on holiday. It is always good to see what is on the other side of the fence.”

“But not our fence. Mrs. Human Roschti is sleeping on our gymnastic centre.”

“I know Tabby, but she did ask. She found a change of air would do her good. She said you can visit her cat gymnastic centre as well, if you want to.”

“Mrs. Human we are felines and we do not visit each other. At least not without an ulterior motive, like he gets tuna fish every day, or has a diamond studed cat flap, which we have been wanting for a long while. Roschti move, you are in the wrong place at the wrong time. Hissss, hiss.”

“Now felines be kind to each other, Roschti is really not doing any harm.”

“Of course he is, he is trespassing in our territory.”

“Tabby what is that ginger freak doing on our cat gymnastic center. I can smell him in the next room.”

“Fluffy, Mrs. Human seems to be having one of those human moments, like “be kind to Roschti day” and I am explaining that we are never kind to Roschti. He smells and is not welcome. Mrs. Human are you going to throw him out or do we and Fluffy have to do it.”

“I thought he could stay for a while. He looks so sweet and comfortable and you were both sleeping in your pole position on top of the cupboard.”

“Hissss, hiss.”

“Oh dear now Roschti is annoyed felines.”

“You bet Mrs. Human, either you or me will throw him out.”

“Hissss, OK, I am going, no peace in this place. Just something I want to do before I leave.”

“Foget it Roschti, no marking on our cat gymnastic centre, we do not need your feline pee, go.”

“Did you see that Mrs. Human, Roschti left breaking all speed records.”

“I think he got worried. Tabby was showing clawed paws and spitting rather loudly.”

“Mrs. Human, we moved in a few years ago and you still don’t know Chapter 1, verse 2 of the book of Bastet.”

“Which is?”

“Mark your territory and do not allow other felines to sleep on your estate, particularly if they are of another kind. Do not tolerate invasions especially if they are of a different colour and sex.”

“Oh, I see. Where is this book of Bastet, I must read more.”

“In our feline heads Mrs. Human.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Tourists

Daily Feline Prompt: Think feline and act feline

“Think global, act local.” Write a post connecting a global issue to a personal one.

“Look Tabby, I can do both. I am thinking globally and acting locally.”

“Fluffy, global and local does not exist in meow, just I, me and myself.”

“I have just proved otherwise. I was thinking how good it is to have bird feeding stations all over the world and that is global. Then I was thinking if they would forget I was there, I could sneak up on them and might have a bird supper and that is local.”

“Fluffy I do not think that is the idea of this prompt. We should not go after our own selfish thoughts and needs, but share.”

“Tabby what is share?”

“No idea Fluffy, one of those words that the humans find is quite good. I think it has to do with you and me both using the same cat tray.”

“But Tabby I always wanted my own cat tray. Not that I have anything against you using it, but I do like my own private place to do what I have to do.”

“I agree Fluffy, but we have the garden to compensate. The problem is that humans always share, so they apply their logic to the feline race. Could you imagine Bastet sharing a cat tray.?”

“Definitely not. It stands in the book of Bastet, chapter 634, verse 92 that felines should mark their territory to show they are in charge and there should be no sharing of territory.”

“Exactly Fluffy, I must say you know your Bastet Book very well, although I though it was verse 91, but I could be wrong.”

“No, verse 91 is the part about drinking water from the human closet which is known to be the best vintage available, but wait until the humans are not there. Again nothing to do with being global or local, just drink it.”

“Oh yes, I forgot that. In any case we will not think globally or locally, just be selfish, do our own thing and ignore the others.”

“Tabby perhaps the prompt should read think feline and do feline and ignore the humans.”

“Yes of course.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Think Feline and act Feline

Daily Feline Prompt: Doing it the feline way

Write about anything you’d like, but make sure the post includes this sentence:
“I thought we’d never come back from that one.”

“Remember that walk Tabby.”

“I will never forget it. Mr. Human says let’s go places so I thought a good idea.”

“True Tabby, I suppose he meant it well. I don’t get out much these days being blind it seems. Must remember to ask what that means. In any case he put on my lead and then we were off. I thought it would be a mouse hunt somewhere in the fields, but he decided we would do one of those human exercise paths.”

“I just came along for the ride Fluffy, but I would have been better off taking a trip to Nirvana in one of my sleeping cycles. No that was definitely not fun.”

“It was all over wooden planks going up and down. Even Mr. Swiss tripped on a piece of metal. He wasn’t happy about that and said a few profanities.”

“Humans always say profanities if something happens they don’t like. Glad that they do not exist in meow”

“But Tabby you sometimes say “dog”.”

“I know that is just a slip of the tail for want of something expressive to say. You must admit when I say “dog” you pick up your ears.”

“Of course, dogs are not my favourite. On that mystery walk with Mr. Human there was a dog that crossed our path. Mr. Human got quite worried when I wanted to go back home. After the encounter of the canine kind things went quite smoothly until you shot off to chase a mouse and I wanted to follow. It was then that the lead got tangled in Mr. Human’s legs and he fell in the mud. He was not happy.”

“It was quite funny. Shame we felines do not know how to laugh. Did you see all that mud on his clothes.”

“I remember when we arrive back to our place. Mrs. Human was not happy and asked where he had been. He said he had gone for a walk with the felines and he added “I thought I would never come back from that one”.”

“I remember her shaking her head wondering how you get covered in mud by going for a walk with two nice felines like us. I think that was the last time he took us out for a walk. Building sites are not the places for felines, that is more canine. We have more refined tastes, strolling in the paths of nature.”

“And digesting nature’s rewards.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Doing it the feline way