What are the things you need to do within 30 minutes of waking up to ensure your day gets off on the right foot? What happened the last time you didn’t do one of these things?
“Mrs. Human, you are making too much noise, don’t bother me, I am not ready for this yet.”
“Not ready for what Tabby.”
“Waking up. I have a process to digest before moving. Stop breathing, stop moving and above all disappear Mrs. Human.”
“Tabby you have slept at least 18 hours, it is really time for you to get moving.”
“18 hours? Not enough still have two hours in the programme to go. Leave me alone to my meditations.”
“You meditate?”
“Of course, I have to prepare my feline instincts for the day ahead. How do you expect me to pounce on a bird, chase a mouse or eat my vitamin pellets when I might fall asleep whilst I am doing it. I would be the laughing stock of the neighbouring felines. Some of them cannot wait for me to fall asleep on the job. They would take over my territory in the flick of a whisker.”
“What about you Fluffy? Fluffy, Fluffy? He is still asleep, or can I hear him murmuring.”
“Oh yes, just one tummy tickle more and a leg of chicken. And a scratch behind the ear. Oh this is heaven.”
“Fluffy wake up, you are dreaming. No response.”
“Mrs. Human I am now ready.”
“Hello Tabby, I thought you were sleeping.”
“I don’t sleep.”
“Oh yes, you meditate.”
“Exactly and now I am finished meditating. Time for my early morning territory inspection. I smell the ginger tom from next door Mrs. Human. Couldn’t you scare him away?”
“Definitely not Tabby, it is your territory, not mine.”
“And someone has not yet refreshed the outdoor water supply. It is frozen in the bowl. Change it at once Mrs. Human otherwise I will turn into a Grumpy Cat. Hisses.”
“Of course Tabby to your commend.”
“Morning Mrs. Human, Tabby, that was a good nights rest. I feel refreshed and ready to go. Mrs. Human it smells like Ginger Tom from next door here and the water is still frozen in the bowl.”
“Yes I know Fluffy, Tabby has just told me.”
“Then do something about it. Typical human, no respect for feline wishes.”
“Listen you two, I am not here as the personal servant for two felines. You have both slept for the last 18 hours and it is now time to be awake and attend to your daily routine.”
“She’s right Tabby. Let’s do our daily routine.”
“Have you filled our bowl with tuna fish Mrs. Human?”
“Yes felines, it is ready for your breakfast.”
“Ok Fluffy, do you want to use the cat tray first of all or shall I?”
“Go ahead Tabby, I can wait, but make sure you cover it all nicely with your front paws, otherwise it will smell.”
“Fluffy it does not smell, I will just be marking my territory.”
“Sorry Tabby.”
“No problem, and now I think I will catch up on my sleep. Yawn, I feel so tired.”
“I am with you Tabby. Are you finished in the cat tray, then I will use it and curl up for a cat nap.”
And there we have the daily life of a feline, Sleep, eat, recycling process and sleep, some more sleep, perhaps eat, recycle and eventually have a good nights/days sleep. I think we humans do something wrong.
The Cat Chronicles 
Stretch. Eat. Drink. Use the litterbox. Bat at the track ball a few times. Go back to sleep.
Last time I didn’t do these things it was because my furry beast of a brother Walter chased me upstairs. So I had to lay low until I could go back down to eat, drink, use the litterbox, bat at the track ball, and return to my regularly scheduled nap.
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Must be a boring life for a feline, the same old routine every day. Meow
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Living with a gay brother who’s trying out online dating, a sister with singing aspirations, and some other interesting characters keeps me on my paws! Frankly, I’d like to get more sleep than I do!
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I’m jealous of your brood. My tabby (12 years going on 2 months) seems to think that he needs to race with my human toddler to see who can be the first to make the most noise before 5:30am.
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Tabby will be 13 in April. She still has a spring in her step and sometimes imagines that she is a Formula I execution. There were times when she had big ideas about taking a walk at 5 in the morning, but I managed to talk her out of it.
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Hi Tabby! Fluffy seems like a nice cat, too! I just finished patrolling the periphery and barking at people 1/2 mile away. Now I’m back. Had a drink of water. I’m looking at my human wondering what’s next. I hope it’s a ride in the car. Yrs, Dusty
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I only have to do car rides for a visit to the vet and I heard Mr. Human saying some time next week. Am now making plans to hide somewhere where I will not be found.
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I hear you on the vet. I make it really difficult for my human to take me there. You might want to try my strategy. I howl, bark, bare my teeth, raise the hair on the top of my shoulders so I look even bigger, and then, if that doesn’t work, I lie on my back and urinate toward the sky. 🙂 Sometimes the vet is afraid of me. My human usually gives me my shots herself. The last time, though, she tricked me. She took me to a fancy pet store where there were all kinds of great smells and bones in bins at dog level. Before I knew what was up, the vet had given me shots. If you try my strategies, let me know how they work for you. As ever, Dusty.
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Can you tell me where I can take barking lessons. My meows are not usually heard. I don’t like visits to anywhere, so the pet store will not work. If you were a feline you would release that urinating towards the sky is not a biological possibility, being a female. We have to squat, although I could try squatting where I should not squat. Thanks for the tips dog.
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My human told me about a cat she had once whose name was Hertz. He registered his protest to the arrival of a puppy (subsequently named Avis) by yowling in rage, jumping up to the arm of the sofa, then to the drapes, then up to the ceiling, and urinating the whole time. Personally, as these are cat achievements, beyond dogpawsibility, I can only give you a feeble description, but maybe you get the idea? Good luck, Tabby!
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Got it, although have no drapes to climb up. I think I have got you, but Mrs. Human will never believe that it was the dog’s fault for telling me. She says felines always blame everything on a dog.
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Let her. Talk to you soon, Dusty
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Pingback: The morning routine… | The Hempstead Man
Do felines look cute when they meditate ? They both seem to enjoy their morning rituals. 🙂
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Felines always look cute. That is the problem, you never know what they are planning.
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Experience comes handy in that case. Your cats are super cool 🙂
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Tabby, meet Bonnie. Bonnie? Tabby. Why don’t you do get together and think up so cool stuff we can do to make your furry lives even better? Because clearly, you don’t get enough attention, food, or treats 🙂
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Meow Bonnie, let’s do the nose sniffing bit together and have a quick wrestle, just as an inauguration of our paw to paw, whisker to whisker friendship. I will be contacting you today some time, in between eating and sleeping, over telepathy, so get yourself tuned in.
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