My three felines seemed to be engaged in a conversation all morning: restless paws and twitching whiskers accompanied by miaows. I overheard the chief feline, Nera, say to her colleagues
“Are you ready Tabby, Fluffy. Got your paw cards for identity?”
It was then that I got curious and asked what a paw card was and if there was something I should know.
“We would have told you Mrs. Human, but we wanted to get everything ready. Every twenty feline moons, the planet Koshka does a census of the universal feline population, meaning we all have to travel to the planet to register. We need our paw cards as proof that we are not imposters.”
“You have a planet?”
“Of course Mrs. Human, do you think we come from this place called Earth? Our origines are far away, not even in this galaxy. Our great leader, Bast, colonized Earth for us. We are Gods and the Egyptians treated us with respect. Some of us are still here, and we have to return to our mother planet now and again to register and report on the conditions still existing on Earth. According to what we say, it is decided whether Earth may continue to exist in its present form.”
“Just a minute Nera, I don’t get this. Felines decide on the continuation of the human domination of planet Earth?”
“Of course”, Mrs. Human said Tabby “do you really think that Humans are superior to felines, but because you have hands instead of paws? That is why we are here, because Bast discovered that our human slaves compensate actions with their hands that we felines cannot do so well. And there is no such thing as human domination.”
“And that is why we will be away for a few hours. On planet Koshka it will be a few weeks, but time is different on Koshka.” Added Nera
“And how will you be going? If it is so far away, you will have to used a spaceship or rocket?”
“Forget it Mrs. Human, we use teleportation. No problem.”
“You use what?”
“We do it all the time, humans do not have to know everything. Do you really think we catch so many mice by waiting in the fields. We just do that to fool the humans, and they are easily fooled. No, we teleport and now we have no time to loose: Ready Tabby and Fluffy?”
“Yes madam, we are.”
“Nera is now madam?”
“Of course” answered Tabby “on planet Koshka she belongs to the government as the spokeslady for planet Earth. We do not use tom cats, they smell and have only one function really.”
“Think about it Mrs. Human, we are off.” The three felines then stood together in a group, closed their eyes and sort of melted into the background.”
It was late in the evening so I decided to go to bed, wondering what my three felines were now doing and if the journey went well. But, just a minute, felines that come from another planet, take over the earth, and report back to their chief Bast every so often, travelling by Teleporter (whatever that is). I think they were having me on.
The next morning I awoke to find Nera, Tabby and Fluffy sleeping in their usual sleeping places.
Suddenly Tabby appeared in the kitchen sniffing around her food and started to eat.
“How did the visit to planet Koshka go?” I asked.
“Quite well Mrs. Human, but Princess Nera will fill you in on the details.” And Tabby ate further.
So now I have a princess amongst my felines. In a way I was glad, I did not really want to refer to Nera as “madam” all the time.
“Morning Mrs. Human” Nera entered. “It was lovely to see Bast again. She wanted to send me to planet Bizarro, but I managed to persuade our leader that planet Earth with Mrs. Human is the right place for such a gifted feline as I am.”
“And I am supposed to believe all of this.”
“Believe what you want Mrs. Human, but Bast gave me something for you. You have been voted human of the year for your acknowledgement of our superiority. You paw card is on your e-mail on the computer, you just have to print it out. I would advise you to hang it next to the feeding bowels to remind you of the honour you have been given.”
Yes, my pawcard was delivered by e-mail on the computer. But keep this to yourselves, we do not want people to think that felines come from another planet , travel by teleporter and send messages by e-mail, now do we?